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Saturday, December 8, 2012

My mother, my best friend. My Valentine.

January 9, 1919-February 14, 2003

Tomorrow Valentines day it will be 13 years ago that we had to say goodbye to you. How we miss you. I think about you every day.                                   .
Sadly you were taken away from us 13 years ago on Valentine's day, February 14, 2003. Your broken heart gave finally out.
You were my strength and protector. This time 'remember' if you just wait, I will be there meeting you at the gate.I have so much to tell you. On January 18 2016 we became great grand parents. Your little great grandchild Saska became mother of a healthy adorable baby girl Freya.It seems such a little while ago that you had your great grand daughter in your arms, and now this little girl has a daughter of her own. Life continues but you are always in our hearts.

My mom with her great granddaughter
Mom, here is your great granddaughter with her little girl.
It's sometimes hard to look at the world, it takes effort, that makes my brain hurt, trying to reject what the senses tell me.
Terrified and wondering if we ever learn from the mistakes our forefathers made.Memories from Japanese prison camp which could never be erased. Memories of our family and childhood are what shapes our personality, and who we are. Whether we like it or not.Our personalities are formed by our parents, brothers and sisters, and the environment we grew up in. Our past continues to affect us. You can only grow as people when you choose to confront your past. Only then can we move forward in our lives.It sometimes terrifies me to think about what the future will be like for my grandchildren and great grandchildren.

Our mother went through life with a heavy burden to carry it was a terrible tragedy, that never went away, even for us and the next generation, it will always be there.So many years and years of difficulties, misunderstandings. Silence when there should have been opportunities to speak. Everybody in Holland seemed to be caught up worrying about their own experiences.
The past continues to affect me, a past my mother tried so hard to erase from my mind.This past which always shows up in my dreams. It's like a candle in the wind, which clings to stay on when the rain and wind sets in.It's like the song from Elton John. \

It seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died.
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain sets in
But I like to keep your candle burning
Like a candle in the wind.

You gave us life, full of blessings with your inner spirit of courage, your unconditional love and laughter. We hold you deep in our hearts now and forever here after. We will pass on your legacy to those who are dear.
Our memories will never fade.We hold you close, and we will forever be thankful for all you  taught us. We specially remember the beautiful woman we owe our lives to.It was hard for us to let you go, but somewhere up there they needed a gentle soul, now peaceful and free as a bird in the sky.

One will never know the price they paid
Suffering themselves, a sacrifice they made,
When all was lost, didn't give in
Often lost hope and couldn't win,
They gave of themselves, desperate to survive,
A frantic effort to keep their mates alive, (the women in Japanese camps did everything to keep their children alive)
What finer glory could they achieve?
Their courage against adversity, we must honor and believe,
What is faith in those, for those that despaired
The gentle strength of those who cared,
Love has no equal one man for another
They are entwined brother for brother.

This poem written by Win Rainer, A former POW's wife.

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